


Fear leads to anxiety

by Ismellgasonmyhands



Category: Twenty One Pilots
Genre: #tytops2k16, Alternate Universe - No Band, I love you guys so much agh, Ill add more tags as it goes on, JOSH LOVES SU, Josh is a smol bean, LMAO SU PEOPLE WHERE YOU AT, LOL I DO TOO, Lmao hi I'm satan, M/M, Meds, Mentions of Suicide, Nice to meet you, Sad, Steven Universe - Freeform, Triggers will be mentioned before chapters, don't get your hopes up, josh has anxiety, protect josh at all costs, really sad, stay safe friends
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2016-09-26
Updated: 2018-07-04
Packaged: 2018-08-17 09:29:33
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings, Graphic Depictions Of Violence, Major Character Death
Chapters: 9
Words: 3,039
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/8139085
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Ismellgasonmyhands/pseuds/Ismellgasonmyhands
Summary: Josh has anxiety
But he has his boyfriend to protect him
And he likes it that way
 
Until he messes up
And it all goes downhill





	1. Breathing

It was dark

The voice came from nowhere and everywhere. He heard the same phrases.

"You're worthless"

"Who would ever love you?"

"Who wants a weak guy like you for a boyfriend?"

"S-stop"  
The cotton headed boy called out to the voice, spinning around

He felt something shove him to the ground

He curled up, covering his ears from the voices

He then felt a hand rest on the back of his neck

It soothed him 

Josh looked up

It was Tyler

"Hey" the brown headed boy smiles

Josh grinned softly, but then felt Tyler squeezing his neck.

Josh'a grin disappeared as he felt the other boys nails dig deep into his flesh

"Who would ever love you?"  
Tyler spits at him as his eyes turned to a deep maroon

"I definitely wouldn't" 

 

Josh jolted up, shaking and covered in sweat 'Another dream' he thought. Josh looked over at Tyler, as he slept. He sighed softly, wishing he could be in such a peaceful state. He carefully got back under the covers, cuddling up next to Tyler, in fear of losing the boy he fell in love with.

-

Josh woke up to the smell of bacon and eggs. He sat up and got out of bed, walking into the kitchen.  
Ty smiled as he shoved a plate of bacon an eggs and black coffee onto the table, where josh usually sits. "Mornin' Babe" Tyler said.  
"Hey." Josh replied with a weak smile as he sat down.  
Tyler frowned and hugged him from behind. "Rough night?"  
Josh simply nodded  
Tyler sighed. "You should've woken me up..." Ty frowned and took his own place at the table  
"Y-you looked so peaceful in your sleep" josh said as he poked at the food  
"Have you been taking your meds?" Tyler questioned him  
"'M gonna get a refill today.." Josh said  
Tyler nodded and took a bite of his food.  
" I'm going in today, so I won't be back till late."  
Josh sighed. He didn't want to be alone, maybe brendon could come over...  
Josh eventually took a bite of his food, not wanting it to go cold.

\- 

"Bye, Josh!" Tyler called from the front door  
"bye..." Josh said in a soft tone as he heard the door close.  
He sighed as he laid in the bed, looking at the ceiling.  
His eyelids slowly became heavy and he final gave up and went to bed


	2. Thinking

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Trigger warning - Mentions of Past Suicidal Thoughts/Scenarios
> 
> Stay safe, Friends <3

"Who?" The thick voice hissed into his ear.

"Who would love you?"

"You can take care of yourself, so why don't you?"

Josh couldn't move

It ghosted over his body, a chill went through his spine.

"You should of jumped off that building when you could've."

Josh wanted to scream out. Only muffled cries came out

He wanted it to stop

He would do anything

\- 

Josh jolted up, once again, breathing heavily

He needed his meds

-

He had shot Brendon a text, offering for them to hang out. Of course brendon said yes. He dragged out of bed and grabbed his NASA shirt with black skinny jeans, and a red SnapBack. 

He waited in the living room till he heard a honk, indicating brendon was there.

He got up and went out to the car, sliding into the passengers seat. 

"Where to first?" Brendon asked. Trying to mimic a New Jersey accent. Josh chuckles softly. "Cvs" he smiles weakly. Brendon simply nodded and pushed the gas as they lurched forward.

The car ride was peaceful, The soft hum of the radio and the sun shining on the top of the car. They eventually made it to CVS and they went through the Drive thru.  
"Pick up for Joshua Dun" brendon said into the microphone. The lady nodded and they confirmed his address before giving him the prescription. Brendon put the prescription in between the both of them and drove off

 

"So, what do you want to eat for lunch?" Of course, brendon didn't even need to ask if be was hungry, always knowing whine a person is hungry.

Josh simply shrugged his shoulders. 

"Chipotle it is then" brendon laughed as they set off.

-

Josh practically swallowed his monster of a burrito down in one gulp. He licked the tips of his finger in satisfaction. "We really need to get together more." Josh said as beebo beamed. 

"Definitely" Brendon said with a mouthfull of rice. 

"And some napkins" josh chuckled.

Brendon rolled his eyes "So how you and Ty?" He questioned

 

Josh simply shrugged his shoulders

 

What were they?

What did Tyler think of him?

He pondered this thought

 

Maybe for a bit to long.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> 213 hits tysm 
> 
>  
> 
> Ily you guys <333


	3. Meds and Steven Universe

"Josh...?"

Brendon said, waving his hand out in front of josh

Josh blinked a bit

"Oh, sorry..."

"You okay dude? You were having a staring contest with the table."

Josh simply nodded 

Brendon shurgged it off

\- 

 

"Thanks again" josh said as he got out of the car, being sure to grab his meds

 

"Anytime Spooky Jim, anytime" Brendon said before driving off

 

And josh was alone again

 

He dragged himself inside and went into the kitchen.He got a glass of water and opened up his meds. He read the fine print 

23-25 | 1 pill  
26-30 | 2 pills  
33-35 | 3 pills  
36-40 | 4 pills  
The list went on and on until 80. Josh chuckled. Maybe that was when the 'average' person stopped taking the meds. Or when they don't need to take they pills anymore, cause they're dead

 

He plopped out 1 pill and swallowed it with the water. He put the pills on top of he fridge and went into the living room. He turned on the tv and sat down. A show called Steven universe was playing. He knew this show all to well. 

He thought of him self as ruby, a small character that is always aggravated. She doesn't calm down if saphire isn't there. Saphire was a peace maker, she was a hard gem nobody but ruby could break her. Together they fuse into one gem name Garnet. Garnet is the fury. Garnet is the patience. Garnet is the conersation. She is made of love.

 

Josh finished the episode before he heard a car door slam. Josh quickly turned off the Tv and stared at the door, waiting for his dime peice boyfriend to walk in.

Tyler unlocked the door and smiled as he saw josh waiting there for him. Josh stood up and hugged him. 

"How was your day?" Josh asked him 

"Fine." Tyler replied 

Josh pulled away from him and looked at his expression. He couldn't read it. 

That's the one thing about saphire. She's good at holding in her emotions. Nobody know what goes on in her head, unless she speaks her mind. 

That's not always a good thing.

But sometimes to stay alive, you gotta kill your mind.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> LOL SU PEOPLE WHERE YOU AT
> 
>  
> 
> hope you enjoyed his chapter <333
> 
>  
> 
> 310 hits thanks m8s


	4. My lips are chapped and faded

Tyler smiled weakly at josh and walked past him, going into the bedroom

So many thoughts were flying at josh 

 

"Did I do something wrong?"

"Is he mad at me?"

"What is it?"

 

He sighed and slowly walked into The bedroom, knocking slightly before going in

Ty was laying down, fast asleep. 

Josh frowned and took off his shoes, and put a blanket over him.

He walked out of the bedroom and closes the door slowly, trying to not make any noise what so ever.

 

Josh sighed and walked over to the fridge. He scanned the items in the fridge. An orange, leftover pizza, some red bull, and. Cereal someone had put in the fridge

"Leftover pizza for dinner... Again"

He sighed and pulled the pizza out. He put a few slices on the plate and threw it into the microwave.

As he waited for the pizza he looked over at his wine cabinet Maybe he could pour himself one glass...

-

 

3 glasses, a drunk party invite for brendon and a few other people, and ordering three more pizzas later, 

 

Brendon and josh both sat on the couch, both barely sober 

 

"Y-you've got a pretty face, Dun."  
Brendon hiccuped a bit and slurred on his words  
Josh blushed and chuckled  
"Thanks Beeeeebo"  
Next thing josh knew is brendons lips were crashing into his.  
Of course, right as josh was about to pull away, Tyler walked in

"What the he-"

Tyler stared at the two boys. Josh immediately pulled away as Tyler came into view.

Tyler had a hurt look in his eyes. Those were almost immediately replaced by eyes Filled with anger.

Josh slowly turned to look at Ty.   
Tyler turned around and ran back into the room. Josh went up to get him, only by the time he had stumbled across the living room, Ty was at the door, with a suitcase behind him. He pushed josh out of the way and went out the front door. Everyone was quiet as they heard a car door slam and then the rubber burning against the road as the car sped off.

Everyone stayed still.

The only thing that was heard was the sound of a single tear dropping from Josh's face

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Rip me cause I'm literally satan  
> Lol
> 
>  
> 
> 460 HITS WYD GUYS
> 
>  
> 
> ILYSM <333


	5. Somebody catch my breath

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> So idk of medicine triggers anyone, but if it does
> 
> trigger warning
> 
>  
> 
> Stay safe, friends. <3

Eveyone began to shuffle out o he house as soon as Ty left. Josh stood at the same spot he had been, staring at the door.

He had eventually gone into their bedroom and laid down, still in his clothes.

He slowly drifted to sleep

-

 

"He is gone. We are free."

The voices screamed at him, shrieking and yelling. Josh couldn't move. He couldn't so anything. He wanted them to stop. He knew they wouldn't. Josh needed tyler. But Tyler no longer needed josh

 

-

Josh woke up the next morning, expecting to smell his coffee brewing and his wonderful boyfriend making it. Only until a sudden realization of what happened last night poured over him. He slowly laid backdown and cried.

 

He poured it all out. Crying and sobbing until he couldn't anymore. He laid one the bed, staring into the wall.

 

He couldn't keep his thoughts straight, he got up and ran into the kitchen. He knew the one thing other than Tyler that could stop the voices.

He reached up and grabbed the meds from the top of the fridge. He slowly twisted the bottle. 

He put one in his hand. Maybe he should take two more. Just to make sure that the voices wouldn't talk to him

He grabbed a glass of water and stareddpwn at his hand.

 

"Take it" the voice hissed into his ear 

"All your pain will be relieved, and you won't ever feel pain again."

Josh continued to stare at the three pills laying in his hand.   
He could take the pills and be voice free, and worry free

But he could not take them. 

He threw his meds across the kitchen and slammed the drink down, it shattering everywhere

 

Josh scooted down and pulled his legs up to his head as he cried

He wanted everything to be perfect

But he knew that it would no longer be perfect 

Once again, the crying stopped, but the pain washed over him again.

He wanted his Tyler back

 

But he wouldn't ever get him back

 

He sighed and began to clean up the mes, taking one pill and puting the two others back into the medicine bottle.

Josh placed the meds back up onto the fridge and threw away all the glass he'd swept up.

Everything he looked back brought him to think of Tyler. 

 

He just wanted to be loved.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> 550 HITS OML
> 
> GUYS ILYSM AGHHH
> 
> <33333


	6. Job job job

Josh had spent the past few days sulking around the apartment.

 

Then it hit him

He had to get a job

He couldn't be cooped up in the apartment all day, not to mention, there were bills that needed to be payed.

-

 

He had gotten on a plain white shirts and some black skinny jeans. He put on his converse and grabbed sunglasses. 

He took his daily pill and walked out the door.

He got onto his motorcycle and turned on the ignition, before speeding off towards the town.

-

 

He eventually got into town and was looking around for job offerings. He finally stumbled upon an "Employees needed" at a store called 'Bath and Body Works.' He walked in and went up to the cashier/

A blonde girl with bright blue eyes looked up and smilied. Her smile was very welcoming, he definitely knew he wanted to be friends with her

"Hi, I'm Jenna! How can I help you today?" She asked, flashing a warm smile

 

"Uh, hi. I'd like to apply for a job." Josh said, smiling weakly

"Oh! Stay right here, ill get the manager." Jenna went into the back as josh awkwardly stood at the front

 

He looked around the shop. It smelled very nice,there were hits of pumpkin and cinnamon floating in the air, exposing Josh's sense of smell. Josh noticed that mostly all shelves and counters were made of marble. He definitely didnt want to fall or break somethig there were two sinkson the side, and there were big glass windows and a glass door. The glass windows had decorations in them for their newest fall line. The door was a simple retractable door. 

 

Jenna came back with a man in a fedora. He had a similar smile to Jenna, warm and welcoming.

"So you'd like to apply for a job?" The fedora man asked

Josh simply nodded

"Could you do an interview now?" 

"Yeah."

"Great! Follow me to the back and we will get started! You can call me Patrick by the way."

Patrick 

Suits him

Josh began to walk into the back as a rush of anxiety and fear washed over him like a wave at high tide.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> So sorry I haven't updated babs<3
> 
> I'm rlly mad at my brother
> 
> And kinda stressed with school events going on 
> 
> Also
> 
> 600 HITS ONL
> 
>  
> 
> Iushsjjas
> 
>  
> 
> You guys are truly amazing thank you so mug 


	7. Chapter 7

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> TW: Voices/mentions of suicide 
> 
> Stay safe, friends<3

Josh squirmed in the hard, wooden chair as he waited for Patrick to come. 

He needed this job.

 

Eventually Patrick came in and sat down in the seat across from him with a clip board and a pencil.

"first things first, what's your name?" Patrick flashed josh a smile

"J-josh." He stuttered "Josh Dun."

Patrick nodded and wrote down his name

The two went on, Patrick asking josh the simple questions, age, pass felonies (which josh didn't have), and lastly, any problems

Josh cringed at the word 'problem'

It made him feel like he was someone less than who he really was.

He told Patrick about his anxiety. Patrick kept quiet and didn't pry on anything else, knowing it was a touchy topic. 

 

"Why do you want this job?" Patrick asked Josh

Josh gulped softly and cleared his voice a little. 

"I-Im in tough spot right now..." He looked down

"I need the money..."

Patrick nodded understandingly

"Welp, that's it" Patrick said, popping the P

"Can you come in by Monday?" Patrick asked

Josh beamed and nodded "definitely"

"alright! Ill put you on stocking for the first two weeks."

Josh nodded and got up, before shaking Patrick's hand.   
"Thank you, really."  
Patrick nodded and the two parted ways.

Josh ran into his car and grabbed his phone. He opened it and went straight to Tyler contact. He then stopped and realized what he was doing. 

He sighed and buckled up, before turning on the car and driving off.

He came up to his apartment and parked his car.

He walked to his apartment (as it was at ground level) and unlocked the door before closing it and flopping onto the couch.

the room started to darken around him. He felt like he was spinning until it all stopped 

Josh looked up and saw Tyler sitting Ima. Bench with another guy. The guy had Blue and purple messy hair, a lip ring, and bright green eyes. 

Tyler's head was laying on the mysterious mans shoulder, they were both looking past josh, as if he wasn't there. Josh felt pain

Pain surrounded him

Before engulfing him as the tide takes seashells from the wet sand. 

 

"It could take the pain away."  
A voice hissed at josh 

"Just take 5 tablets. That's all it takes."

 

"You won't ever feel pain again."

The voices were booming as josh stared at Tyler cuddle up against the other man.

Josh was jealous, yet sad at the same time. That man could've probably given Tyler so much more than he could've.

He probably didnt have demons tempting him.

He probably didnt have night mares

He probably didnt have voices

And Tyler probably loved him more than he would've ever loved josh

 

Josh was awoken by his phone ringing 

 

Caller ID: Ty <3

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> 700 HITS AGH
> 
>  
> 
> YOU GUYS ROCK ILYSM
> 
>  
> 
> I also love feedback;)))
> 
>  
> 
> So go forth and judge me my children


	8. Goodbye.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This whole chapter is a trigger warning:///

Josh reached for the phone 

"H-hello?" Josh said

"Hi yes, is this josh dun?" A female voice asked him.

"Uh yeah... Who is this?"

"I'm sorry to tell you this, but Tyler is dead. You are his emergency contact, can you please come to the hospital?"

Josh practically felt his heart stop. The voices were roaring inside him

 

"...hello?" The girl on the other side asked.

Josh dropped his phone and walked into the kitchen

 

"Take it"

"Do it"

"The only person who ever loved you is gone, why don't you join him?"

The voices roared and cackled in his head.

He grabbed his medicine bottle and ripped open the lid.

He looked up and tipped back the bottle into his mouth. He felt himself swallow the medicine. His vision blurred until it was black.

 

Josh and Tyler made local newspapers, headlines saying "the suicide lovers"

 

Tyler had committed suicide, he thought he could live without josh, but he need Ed josh as much as josh needed him. 

The girl on the phone had sent a taxi to pick up josh, but through the window the taxi driver could see Josh's body on the floor. By the time josh had gotten to the hospital, it was too late.

Josh and Tyler had two combined funerals, because of how close the family's had grown. 

The days seemed gloomy. The sun didnt shine as bright, nor would the stars at night. 

Tyler and josh were dearly missed 

But they were together 

And there were no voices

Just happiness for the two boys

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thank you guys so much for reading! This got 800 hits which is a my personal best, thank you so much! This story was really depressing and I feel like satan for writing this.
> 
> Hope you have a good day/evening:)
> 
>  
> 
> Stay alive |-/


	9. Author note

Hello! I left this account for a while and i was amazed to see how much support this had gotten! (Even for the sad ending whoops) thank you guys so much!! I love you all! Im starting writing again, so please let me know if you have any requests!!!!


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